A reason to rejoice

Life is a series of challenges, some small and others not so small. But whilst you can ignore these challenges, they do catch up with you. It doesn’t matter the form of the challenge, accident, illness, natural disaster or whatever, these challenges at some stage have to be dealt with. 

Mine happened Wednesday when out for my daily walk. Since August I have taken to walking most days. The distance started at 2km and slowly I got to 5km and then 8km. Then the times started to tumble. 
During this, I also changed my diet. I won’t deny that my diet was unhealthy, I was and still am obese but I had started making efforts to change that. But I also was doing it solo. Gone were the sweets, biscuits, salts and other naughties. Now I was not being good all the time but by and large I tried. I developed a taste for Couscous and brown Rice’s done naturally. 

But this Wednesday it all came to a head. As I was walking I felt a slight pain in the top of my chest, under my chin. Now this pain didn’t appear to be moving or spreading so I assumed, wrongly, that I had not warmed up properly. 

But as I kept walking the pain seemed to be there all the time. To be honest, it never really went above a 3 or 4 on the pain level. What did change was my breathing, I was finding it harder and harder to breath. 

This was my second mistake because it was gone past lunch and I assumed as all I had eaten was a Chocolate Bar that my energy level was low. So I kept going. A friend stopped to chat, he remarked later that I was bathed in sweat and looked like I was gasping, though I did not notice  

At around the 2.5km mark, I knew something was not right. On my walks I either listened to music off my sports watch or a cheap sim less mobile, this was my biggest error. I waved to passing traffic but it was a wave of hello more than anything. Well it appeared to them as a wave of hello, I could not process what I was doing

So I decided to head home, started walking away but all the time my breath was becoming more and more laboured. I knew I was in trouble although I did not recognise it as a heart attack. 

Finally I stopped. My vision was all over the place. All I do rightly remember is seeing two vans, one I recognised, and I knew I was going to collapse and tried to falter my way down. From then on, I was in serious trouble, I knew that. 

There are no words to describe what was going on in my head or chest. The pain level just went up to 10. At that point I knew I was suffering a heart attack. But I could not communicate that. 

I have heard of being locked in, oddly that is what I felt like. I could hear myself screaming that my heart was in trouble but they of course could not hear me. I was aware of various sensations, someone rubbing my back, someone holding my hand. 

From this point, I have to rely on the words of others because my recollection at best is patchy. 

A doctor and the ambulance was called. To be honest, if the queen herself stood beside me, I would not have known. All I do remember is this strange detachment from the whole affair. I know people say you see a bright light , well I didn’t. Just a dim dark passage and getting darker all the time. 

I do recollect something being put into my mouth. I was not sure what it was, but at the time, I thought I was getting something to assist my breathing. But then my mouth filled with a gel. 

Another thing I do recall is the cold. Now to me, I had been there for only a matter of minutes. Later I discovered it was around 30 minutes or so. I was freezing to the core. 

I don’t recall much else. I have this weird sensation of trying to recall which way the ambulance went. I do remember seeing a bright light alternating with a dark light. Possibly the helicopter blades swirling above me. 

I did start to come around a little, once in the ambulance and then in the helicopter. Though neither time, I did not know where I was. It was only in the hospital as the professor started to do the angiogram and then to clear the blockage. 

He, the Professor, started on my right wrist but I was so cold that I went into a spasm and he had to start through the groin

The process of the stent is something I hope I never have to experience again. Not that it was painful more uncomfortable. He kept talking to me but at this stage I was beyond reasonable conversation. 

He said something about was it more comfortable. I think he had burst the blockage and put the stent in. I was still in amazing pain. But like a light being switched on, the pain almost disappeared as quickly. 

I am here to write this which is my answer to the challenge and new challenges as a result of the heart attack are opening up.  Sleep with me was always a scarse commodity but now I am frightened to close my eyes. 

Every itch around my chest, starts to process as a sheer panic, is it happening again, thankfully not but that concern is there. Every day now is a new leash of life, I know I was lucky. 

To the people of my community who stopped and helped, the doctor and ambulance crew, the crew of Air Corp 112,the Gardai from Clifden,  the Professor, doctors, nurses and every else in the hospital, my friends and family, I express my deepest gratitude, I would possibly not be here except for you. 

Life now is one of steps, new steps after old steps, and in time it will be day over old day. If there is one thing I learnt from this incident is that life can be snuffed out in a moment, get out there and enjoy it, for one day it will go away